I believe in energy. I believe it is constantly flowing into and out of us. Bringing in our surroundings and putting our intentions out into the world. I believe you’re most like the people you surround yourself with. Those influences matter and their energy matters because it’s feeding yours. And your’s is feeding theirs. This goes into the “Tribe theory” That each friend, mentor, person in your life has a role beyond just good company. This person brings to or enriches a part of you that you have too little of or none at all. For example, my best friend is creative and chaotic compared to my planning and precise self. I want more creativity in my life and he fuels me in that, he inspires me, he builds up my craziest dreams and forces me out of my comfort zone. Meanwhile, he has some stability and needs more, and that’s where I fuel him. I’m good at “adult-ing” and I’m good at guiding people. We both offer a different perspective on each other’s lives and we’re both better because of it. We both have this good energy for each other and we send it in every conversation we have, whether we mean to or not. It’s the most amazing feeling to know there is someone putting good energy into the universe for you with no self-gain and these are the friendships that are most precious in life.
Now I’m not saying get rid of all of your friends that don’t fit these criteria, just to be conscious of what they bring to your life. If one friend is constantly gossiping/bragging/complaining about their life, that’s maybe a friendship that needs work or needs to be let go. Those relationships bring a toxic energy into you and it can go 3 ways. 1: You’re fueled by the energy and start gossiping, start complaining, start trying to out do them. Toxic. 2. You can talk to people and fend off their negative energy and not let it affect you (go you!) Safe. 3. You know it’s wrong and their energy makes you feel uncomfortable. You either choose to stay quiet or choose to say something. Toxic. The third option is what happens to me. I’m more sensitive to certain energies than others: anger, grief, the nasties. Anger I can feel in my stomach – its a churning and bottomless feeling. Grief I feel on my upper lungs, a heavy, smothering weight I have to breathe around. The nasties I feel in my hands, arms and eyes. I can’t keep my hands still, I’m always fidgeting and trying to find anything else to do, I can’t keep eye contact long with these people and it leaves me feeling very uncomfortable and wanting to leave the situation as quickly as possible. I could say something but I don’t much like to argue. I’m good at it but not without losing my cool head and saying things I would later regret, so I avoid confrontation if I can. Two situations have arisen with nasties lately and I’ve handled them the best I could. One was my husband’s friend that I always seem to clash with and his man-centric ideals don’t align with my feminist ones. Rather than continue to feel uncomfortable I explained to my husband how I felt and asked that when it’s him without his current girlfriend I’d prefer not to be around him. Husband is more than welcome to continue being his friend but I don’t have to be. The second situation is with a friend turned ex-friend turned back into a friend. I’ve realized that some people do not change and grow as they appear to and this is a relationship that I still need to decide to fix or let go of.
I think energy is one of those things you don’t think about until it’s pointed out. Then you look back and notice your feelings and reactions and say “Oh! it’s so obvious now.” This week was my reminder to pay attention to what I surround myself with and make sure it’s nourishing me and growing me.